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I sold my soul to the devil and now he wants his payment

10.03.02 @ 14:20
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I am in such a mixed up angry upset sad mood right now. I don't even know where to begin or what to start with. Why why why do I let him constantly do this to me. why why why.

He came over last night supposedly to see Warren. He spent time with Warren, but was also in a just a little too good of a mood. I knew something was up. Especially when he started commingon to me and trying to get me to drink. I knowing what was on his mind, took a couple drinks and then dumped the rest in his when he wasnt' looking. I don't know why I even pretended to belive. I was sad and depressed about other things and feeling really neededy. why why why am I soo stupid. I have known the same thing for 10 years. My head knew. I never wanted to have anything. I wanted to just use him for me own needs and I still got stung.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't believe after all this I slept with him. Of course the next morinng quickly returned to all the ugliness that was our relationship. I Knew it would but I didn't care. I have a major house payment I have to make in the next month I have no idea where I am going to get the money. He is reight the bed room is a pig sty, but he doens't understaned anything. I love my son. My son is my life, and no I am not getting rid of my cats, even though I have thought about finding a new home for one of them. why does he constantly treat me like that, why do I let him. why am I such an idiot. Yes I am not using my normal clear and good grammer and capitalization. Right now I just don't fucking care. Mike took Warren to the museum, as I was in no mood to go. After the way he talks to me and the way I went into a total rage and just started screeching. He makes me act so arrrggg. I just cant stand it. I just feel like crawling in ahole. If it wasn't for WArren I don't know what I would do. Now Mike wants to take WArren from me. Everything I love ends up hurting me.

I am such a moron. I am a fool. I want to be alone, cause then I can march when I am in the mood to march. Selfish yes, but I am tired of being ordered when to sit and when stand. I wish this place were clean. I wish I was domestic or could afford a housekeeper. I whish a lot of things. Most of all I wish everything would just go away. I just want it all to go way.

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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