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My 400th Entry
Go me!!

09.12.02 @ 23:57
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So this is the 400th entry to get posted on this site. Wow, I've never kept up with any one project this long before. Go me, go me, go me.

Today was another in a long line, of long boring days. I still haven't gotten a hold of the lady from huge heath junk company. I tried calling her and all I got was a machine and no call back. I keep telling myself, that maybe she just called in sick.

Went to sleep after the van picked up Warren. Woke up an hour and a half or so later when some annoying woman called trying to sell me cell phone service. Then I fell back asleep till almost noon.

Mike's "friend" crapped out and rented the room to someone else. That is why I feel the need to scream and break something. I had a meeting with the family therapist at PSJ, and he agreed with me and every other doctor/therapist/candlestick maker we have talked to. Mike needs to get out, the sooner the better. We "agreed" he should be out by Friday. Now I get to tell him. I want him gone, but at the same time I feel dependent on him. Which is weird, because I own the house, I pay the bills, and I am the one with custody who has ultimate decision power. I can survive. I know it and I've proven it. So why am I such a door mat. Why do I have to be nice and take care of everybody. Why do I hate myself when ever I hurt someone, or make someone mad or upset with me. Why do I have the word welcome tatooed on my forehead.

I still don't have everything together for MA. Ugh I soo hate that I even have to consider applying for it, but at the prices that PSJ costs, well I don't have any choice.

I really really need to start going back to Tracy, and my other Dr. the way I am feeling lately I am really starting to wonder if I need to go back on meds again. I hate them with a passion as I always seem to have bad side effects. But I feel so anxious, and edgy and well cranky that I sometimes wonder how I function. I just want to crawl in a corner and stay there. I feel soo totally overwhelmed.

Warren was a hoot on the bus on the way home. He told me grown ups have it so much easier than kids. The older lady sitting in front of us was laughing her head off. She told Warren something about, "I wish". Warren said its true, then I said "only people who havn't grown up yet say that" and she nodded in agreement. We both laughed our heads off, and Warren just sort of looked at us, like we didnt have a clue.

I was so tired and bummed I spent money on ordering out from Pizza Hut. Hey at least I had a coupon, and I wound up getting free Cinna sticks, because they goofed up and forgot to put them in the bag with the pizza. I told the guy to just forget about it, so he only charged me for the pizza. Ten minutes later there was another delivery guy at the door with our cinna sticks. Lets hear it for Free Food. So Warren and I vegged out on the couch stuffing ourselves with Pizza Hut and Cinna Sticks, and watched AOTC for the 5000th time. No I don't normally do that at dinner. I do usually make a regular dinner, at the table, with vegetables, and plates and all the assorted accompanyments. But everyone has a lazy day.

Happy 400th Entry to me, and Humbug to the holidays. I haven't even decorated yet. I know I should for Warren's sake if nothing else, but I just can't seem to get into the swing of it. The way I feel could make Ebeneezer look like Bob Cratchit, cept I have no money.

Maybe if we make some cookies this weekend, I'll feel more Christmas, and less Scrooge? Or maybe I'll be Scrooge on a sugar rush.

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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