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Monday, Nov. 12, 2007 @ 7:20 pm
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If this is full of typos and grammatical errors, I'm sorry. Right now I am exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally, and every other which way.

My 14 year old {may he live long enough to see 15}, has made up his mind that he will self destruct one or or another no matter how many people try to help them.

Sometimes I wonder if I didn't get a changling in my nursery. I prefer that explanation to the one that says, his father's genes are comming back to haunt both of us. I love my son more than anyone or anything, but the more I see his father come out of him, that harder it gets. I know they are separate people, and Warren isn't just like dad, he just has some of his less than stellar traits. Espcially since dad is the only one who probably still defends his actions.

It seems my son got in trouble, got grounded, flipped otu about said grounding, appeared to get a grip, than changed his mind and made another break for it.

He was found a few hours later, unharmed {at least until I get ahold of him}. But I'm running out of ideas.

I swear that kid is a text book case of self sabotage, as soon as things start geting good and sucess is in sight, he had to throw a wrench in the gears to mess things up. I dont' know if he is afraid of success, thinks he doesn't deserve success or if he's just been hurt so many times with previous bad experiences, that he wants to get others before they can get him.

Once again, mom is the one nobody gives a damn about. Who cares if I'm sitting up freaking out, stressing and ready to have a nervous breakdown, he was frustrated and couldn't handle it. He was fine, so no harm right? Fuck it.

Will he ever get a clue of what the other feet are like to stand on. Will he ever realize what he is putting other people thru, and I don't mean JUST me, but the staff, the local police, his friends, his grandmother, even in some odd way his father.

He is amazingly smart, talented, and capable. He is quite driven when he wants to be, but he doesnt' seem to care if he tosses it all away.

"I'll be fine mom. Don't worry so much. I can take care of my self, you dont' need to worry. You should know I"m going to be fine. Nothing will happen to me".

At what age, does the reality of the world start to sink in, or his he doomed to be one of those fools who never "gets it".

the world already has one Mike "M******", it doesn't need a Mike Jr. Just once I want to know what it feels lke to be the mother of the over achieve,r the honer student, the kid who's biggest trouble is getting a B in science or being 10 minutes late for curfew, or figuring out which of two girls to take to the dance. Taht I could handle, but this shit.. nobody trains you for this crap.

If God were a woman, kids would come in to the world with instruction manuals. Only a man would create somethign that complex and forget the instructions.

Fuck it all to hell.

Maybe I'll be in a better mood in the morning.

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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