Still feeling rather dumpy.. but not as dumpy, not mostly. I hope a manic phase comes on soon, I need the productivity.

Warren once again failed to appreciate the meal I made, though this time we did have a talk about it. I thought it was quite good, but I'm trying to understand where he is comming from. He has a lot to work on in the appropriate way to express a criticism with out hurting someone's feelings department. Tact is an issue that definately needs work.

I think a large part of the problem with us right now is that we are both going thru things, that make it harder for us to be fun to be around.

I don't know the whole story, but I know a couple of his friends (one a girl who as far as I know is just a friend), just broke up (this is the guy who needs a day planner to keep track of his "girlfriends"), and Warren seems from what I can gather to be going thru his first time of playing "Johnny in the middle". I tried to talk to him, to find out what is going on (after he hung up three times in 30 minutes on a 5 minute phone call), but he basically blew me off, and didn't want to talk.

He's always told me almost everything in the past. We used to talk about almost everything. I used to get all the details about who did what to who, and said what behind who's back and well you get the picture. Now suddenly I feel like I'm being cut out. I understand it's normal for a boy to separate from his mother, but not this soon, this quick. I always thought we would stay close. Now he suddenly seems to be growing up so fast, it seems to be happening right before my very eyes. And hard as it is for me to deal with, god help us, I can see more of his father shining thru. I feel like there is a wall building between us, and my knife won't dislodge the mortor.

On top of it, I'm seem to be having the "where the hell is my life going, and what the hell happened tothe last 20 years" Blues. Turning 30, was no big deal, turning 35 didn't seem to register much. But realizing that in three years I will hit the big 40 really seems to be messing with my head. I just always felt I would be in such a different place by this time. I'm one year from my 20th reunion. And I just can't seem to stop this pity party going full blast in my head.

I have two choices I can drown in self pity which will acomplish nothing except a larger waistline, and possibly drive my son away, or I can get off my assets and make some changes. I'm starting to like my job better, as while I hate dealing with stupid people, I do have fairly good grasp of nutrition and supplements. I also happen to like that field. I had once planned to go back to school to major in nutrition and possibly become a dietician, but than Mike entered my life followed by Warren and that dream sort of disappered. School isn't really an option at this time, but I can still read study and teach my self a lot of stuff. I'm considering the possiblity of trying to make career out of this industry and eventually get off the phones.

They sent out flyers recently that they are looking for people to be mentors to new employees. I have my work skills down good, but some of my face to face people skills and my dressing for professional success need a lot of work. I'm just not sure I could handle the rejection, even though the worse that could happen is nothing changes. Personal risk is definately something I have trouble with. I need to convince myself to just go for it. (Besides I could really use the extra money, and it would look great on a resume).

I need to do something. Feeling sorry for my poor sorry ass ain't going do anybody any good.

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Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass:
Thankful For:
Music of the mind: :

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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