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the Heart is where Home is

Thursday, Sept. 01, 2005 @ 1:02 am
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Warren had a much better day at school today. It is amazing what a difference a decent night's sleep can mean. Tonight he was exhausted but had a hard time getting to sleep as his allergies are in over drive and his sinsus are running like a marathon winner. I must have tossed half a roll of snotty toilet paper just tonight. I ended up having to fold an old extra large bedspread up to make another pillow so he could get comfortable and be upright enough to breath without snot running down his throat.

I know how he feels. I remember many mamy nights with my allergies going on red alert. Claratin helps some, but not enough. The decongestants I gave him to night were worthless as within an hour he was tossing his cookies while bowing to the porcelain god. (after eating Fruity Pebbles no less. "Mom I puked a rainbow, it looked like a clown's hair with out the hair" I really didn't need to know that. But after puking he seemed to finally be able to get to sleep. I think the exhaustion finally over took everything else. He's now snoring like an old lumberjack. He is always blowing his nose all day in school too. I think tommorrow after work I am taking him to the walkin. This is getting ridicoulous. I can't afford any more meds, but there must be a shot or some samples or something they can do, so the poor kid can breathe and sleep.

Strangley my allergies haven't been that bad, though many of my callers seem to think I sound like I am sick or something, even though I feel fine. I've recently started taking large amounts of Vitamin C (along with taking my b-125 and coq10 again), I wonder if any of that may be making a difference. I really dont' want Warren to be some guiniea pig I experiment on. I just want him to breathe and to be able to sleep with out being dead exhausted first.

He seems to be more enthused about school and even asked me if I would be willing to spring for Donuts (Sandy's of course, only Fargo's best) for the class on Monday. Wow. Sleep makes a huge difference in this kid's personality. Anything less than 8 hours in a night and he goes from Dr. Jeykll to Mr. Hyde. Where as I lately seem to have become the lazy insomniac. I have no energy, yet I barely sleep 5 hours a night if that, and even that is fractured. I still wake up constantly checking the clock. But at least I no longer freak out at 2am atttempting to wake the whole household convinced we have way over slept and are all very late. That's something isn't it. Now I just lay there and dream wide awake. If I get desperate I can turn on the tv and watch the price of gas go up, that usually depresses me enough to make me fall asleep again.

Watching tv lately makes me feel so glad, ND is the state I call home. I complain alot about it, but I've lived here my whole life. We aren't perfect and neither is our weather, we have blizzards sometimes like you wouldnt' believe, -30 in the winter is not unusual at all, neither is driving in blizzard where you can barely see the end of the car. We have tornado and thunderstorm warnings regularly in the summer and yet as much as I would like to move somewhere else, when ever Warren and I talk about it, I can find something wrong with almost every other state... California - no thanks I'm not in to Shake and Bake, New York - way to damn many people.. Florida..to damn many people, to likely to be washed out to sea.. and so on.. The truth is there is good and bad about every state, as much as I hate to admit it ND is and always will be home to me. The mosquitos, the snow, the slow drivers, tghe laid back life style, the clean air, the endless memories of people I love, my life its all here. Everything is a familiar as a a favorite pair of shoes. No matter how worn or how much you find other shoes attractive, none fit quite so well. None are so familiar, none are shaped to perfectly suit you.

I imagine that is why many people continue to live in NOLA and other disaster prone areas, that arent' built in the best of areas. Yes there are problems, but its where they've always lived, its where thier soul, their memories and thier heart are. It has a charm and soul all its own, its not perfect but no matter what it is home.

I remember the great flood of '97. While I was lucky enough tgo be in an area that was high and dry, and Fargo escaped major damage by the skin of its teeth, I remember watching the news of Grand Forks (100 miles north of here, been there many many times) and seeing places I had fond memories of underwater and on fire. People I know, releatives of friends of mine all homeless and yet when the water's receded most of them came back, like a horse returning to the barn. It could go anywhere but it only wants to go home, even if that home happens to be on fire. People are much the same way. Many of us move around, but others perfer to stay put. Many otheres move until they find a place with the right karma and soul, than they know they are home. Why else would most older people and not so old who know there end is near prefer to die at home. It isn't for the decor, or the geography. Its because home is something deeper, something neither man nor nature can destroy. Home isn't a building, its a place in your heart.

I spent the first 18 years of my life in Crosby, ND a small town in Western ND, I then went to college for 4 years in Mayville, ND. I have lived in Fargo-Moorhead since 1991. Guess what town I consider to be my home. Not where I grew up, though I consider that home of sorts. Nope, Fargo despite all its flaws is my home. Not neccisarrily the building I live in, but the city. I can't explain it, I doubt most people can. But I know that the people in NOLA and Biloxi and other Gulf communities will come back and rebuild and life will go on, becuase once our heart finds a home, it doesn't like to leave.

Any help for Katrina's victims is much appreciated Give whatever you can.

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Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: People who loot. I can understand food, water, and diapers,etc.. but tv's and video games, that is evil...
Thankful For: being a landlubber. Katrina reinforces my terror of deep or large water bodies.
Music of the mind: : Comfortably Numb -- watching a documentary on Pink Floyd doens't help my mood

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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