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Lost

Sunday, Sept. 12, 2004 @ 5:01 pm
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Just because a dream ends doesn't mean that it didn't come true once" Sister Antonia Taken from Reader's Digest June 2004 pg 146

My emotions have been running up and down all day. One moment I am fine, the next moment I am suddenly in tears. I have to be strong for Warren I am the grown up and he is the child. Its not fair to him for me to expect him to comfort and look after me, which is what I am sure he thinks he has to do.

But I am terrified. I have no idea how to move so much stuff or what to do with it all. I can't think, I can't see, I didnt' sleep at all last night, I just want things to be done. I am tired of the mess. My finances have beena mess for years, even before the house. I am not good with money, I'm like a kid. It was only a matter of time before I finally went up in flames.

I can't explain my mood except that its been along time since I've had a low this low. This morning at work, I was looking at a box of SAM-E (freebies for employees)and actually contemplated ODing, which freaked me out. I didn't do it, but I've definatley had thoughts. I can't though I'm all Warren has right now, and I feel like I need to hold it together for his sake. He needs a mother. He is needy and I have to be the grown up but it is oh so hard. I just want my mommy. I have to keep things positive for him, I have to have to have to. I just don't know if I can. I fear I need help.. I feel lost, like a 5 year old at the fair.

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
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~ Bleech ~

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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